MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT...

As most of you already know...at 4:28 p.m. on May 3, 2011...Erin and I welcomed the newest member of the Burden family...Ella Giles!! Much like her Mother...Ella Giles was running a little late...and we opted to schedule an induction on Tuesday morning. Thank God...Erin was in ZERO pain leading up to the delivery. The epidural was administered relatively early, her water was broken and a few hours later...our lives were changed forever!!

Most people asked me if I planned to go "down there" during the delivery...or if I would stay by my wife's head...holding her hand and waiting for the doctor to hand us our new gift. From day one...I was adamant that I wanted to witness it...in fact...early on...Erin had mentioned that Dr. Curtis might actually let me "deliver" the baby. Of course...all of this is easier said than done.

I decided to "stick a toe in the shallow in"...so I watched them break her water. I wasn't freaked out, or grossed out...I felt good and I thought I was ready. A few hours later...a final check revealed Erin was at 10 cm and it was time to push. The bed quickly morphed into a delivery table...a variety of medical instruments was brought out and the head nurse started working with Erin as we waited on the doctor.

I cautiously walked to the foot of the bed and stood by Kristy (Erin's RN)...as I peered down...I could see the top of Ella Giles head!! It literally took my breath away...not because it was "gross" or "freaky" but because I was witnessing the greatest natural miracle on earth!! A few more pushes and the babies head was crowning...we were almost there. Dr. Curtis walked in, sat down and gave a few more "push" directives. Then he jumped up and told me to take a seat. I was sweating like a pig, wrapped in a blue surgical top and scared out of my mind!! I remember whispering "Oh dear God"...and took my seat. Now understand...I thought we still had a while...maybe 5-10 more pushes as the baby slowly made her final approach...I WAS WRONG!! I sat down...Dr. Curtis showed me where to place my hands (one on the front of her head...while another supported her neck)...he asked Erin to push one more time....and then...

Ella Giles popped out into my arms like a cliff diver making an ascent for that desperate breath. I had subconsciously stopped breathing...I know this because as soon as I heard her cry...I felt my lungs once again begin moving and I inhaled a massive amount of oxygen!! Dr. Curtis asked me to cut the cord...but I was so terrified of dropping my slippery new bundle of joy that I passed. I figured pulling her out of the birth canal was enough excitement for one day!!

I could feel the tears rolling down my face as we walked towards the head of the bed and I handed her to Erin. She could no longer hold back her emotions and my wife sobbed with joy as she gently wiped away the blood and fluid from Ella Giles' tiny body. I too surrendered to this overwhelming emotion and I stood beside her...holding Erin's hand...crying my eyes out and refusing to let go of this beautiful new angel. They eventually took Ellla Giles to the warmer for further cleaning and stabilization. I had not yet hugged Erin because of all that was going on. I simply said "Hi" and "can I get to you now?" We embraced for what seemed like an hour and literally cried on each others shoulders. We looked into each others eyes and almost simultaneously said "she's beautiful!"

I finally had the chance to hold her in my arms...so tiny, so fragile, so innocent of the world's evil. I sat in a chair as I watched Dr. Curtis work for almost 2 hours suturing Erin...this was the result of significant internal tearing resulting from Ella Giles' birth. As I held this beautiful baby...I looked up at my amazing wife....oxygen on her face...feet in the stirrups...bleeding profusely...and all I could think was...this is why mother's are the strongest and most important people on this planet!! No man could endure that pain, stress, hardship, emotional upheaval or sheer exhaustion that accompanies childbirth. If anyone has any doubts or questions about who is the "stronger" sex...spend a few hours in a Labor and Delivery ward!!

My entire life...people have said to me that "there is no greater love than that of a parent for a  child". Or they would comment... "you will never know that you are capable of loving something so much...until you hold her/him in your hands". None of these comments meant anything to me...in fact...I usually privately scoffed at them as hyperbole and just the ramblings of people who were "baby obsessed." Wow...have I been eating a lot of crow since May 3!!

I loved Ella Giles in the womb...and I was concerned about the health and well being of both she and Erin. However...the moment those big, beautiful blue eyes opened...she had me!! She is the first thing on my mind when I wake and the last thing that crosses it before I drift to sleep. I immediately go and look at her before I start getting ready in the morning and I always have to hold her one more time before going to bed. I know now why my Mother always told me..."James, without you in my life, I have NOTHING to live for." People find a way to make it following tragedy... and I get that...but in one week...I have created a bond with Ella Giles that is indescribable even for a wordy, overdramatic, sap like me!! All I can say is that I THOUGHT I knew what love was...I had NO IDEA!!

Sometimes...like now...I will think of her and just start crying. That is how much joy that she fills my heart with. Having her in my life has given me a peace and solace that I honestly never thought was possible to obtain. I worry...that hasn't changed...I'm still the same guy...but I know that as long as Erin, James, Ella Giles, Barkley, Sullivan, Haley and Harper are together...there is no obstacle that we can't and won't overcome!! I have gained a new respect for my wife...I have gained a new perspective on life...but greatest of all...God showed me a miracle when my heart was the most cold and unwelcoming. I have struggled with my faith for some time and it is still a struggle...however...you can't watch the birth of your child without feeling the breath of God in the room!! I can feel God working in my life...breathing new life into me...it is a slow process but He knows me and that it will take time!!

At the end of the day...my house, my marriage or my life will never be the same...but in a good way. I can't wait until our rooms are filled with the barks of dogs...followed by the laughter of an inquisitive little girl. I can't wait until the words "Mommy" & "Daddy" are the only words that matter. I can't wait until I wake up in the morning to soft kisses on my face...as Ella Giles is ready to start her day. I can't wait to walk in from work..and see our kitchen in shambles cause Mommy and Daughter were baking cookies...cause they both know how much Daddy loves them!! Most of all...I can't wait for 4:00 p.m...when I can return home to the two most beautiful and important women in my life!!

Until next time friends....