Once again...I have let a busy work week and other preoccupations...prevent me from doing something that I truly enjoy. I must admit that this morning...I am incredibly streesed out!! Between the presentation that I have to deliver in less than 2 hours...my diet and the daily barrage of worries that enter my mind...I doubt this will be very profound. That being said...I am taking inspiration from one of my favorite shows "Seinfeld"...and have decided to "air a few grievances." Yes...today is a "FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US." So without further ado...here is a list of things that are driving me nuts. Perhaps you agree with some or all of them or perhaps this will be the last time you ever read my blog!! Needless to say...here we go (in no particular order)....
1) Justin Bieber- I still remember a day when being an entertainer required more than a "frat boy mop top" and the ability to dance. This kid has taken the world by storm...and I just don't get it. Since when was the definition of "sexy" for young girls predicated on just how skinny and effeminite a guy is? If this kid was any "gayer"...he would be on a billboard next top Harvey Milk in the Castro District of San Francisco!! The only difference is that Harvey Milk actually accomplished great things for gay rights. I actually think this closeted little elf is setting gay rights back 30 years!! Hey Justin...you want to earn my resepct...come out of the closet, cut your hair, and sing a song that doesn't require a synthesizer!!
2) Justin Bieber Fans- I think I said enough about Bieber in the previous paragraph...but his fand are an entirely differnt ballgame. I have read that the Grammy winner for Best New Artist...Esperanza Spalding...has received death threats from the Bieber's "Lollipop Guild" because he didn't win? I'm sorry but she is a brilliant jazz cellist...who has an amazing voice and writes her own songs. Bieber is an underdeveloped girl...who essentially is the second coming of New Kids on the Block. Playing the cello as opposed to the "skin flute"...are not the same thing!! If I see one more pre-teen girl crying over Justin Bieber...I might have to attack someone with a hammer!! If your kid is crying over an entertainer....just go ahead and empty out that College Fund and get them to a therapist. Believe me...they will need it!! Grow up kids...if you are that obsessed with spending the rest of your life with a gay man...just ask Liza Minneli how that worked out!!
3) Sarah Palin- There is not enough time in the day nor words in the english language to express just how much I detest this right wing, lunatic. She has made a career off of being an idiot. Congratulations Sarah...you hijacked John McCain's Presidential campaign and destroyed any chance that he will ever have of running again...now you have parlayed that into your on Presidential aspirations. Call me crazy...but I can't bear the thought of seeing the White House decorated with Moose heads and eskimo tears!! Could someone in the republican party please tell this half witted, obnoxious, harpy that her 15 minutes expired 2 years ago!! If she is the future of the Republican party...then Obama can get comfortable..cause you've got 4 more years of leadership to deal with. If she ever got elected President...it would be proof positive that the US no longer cares about it's world reputation. When is the next flight to Quebec?
3) Lady Gaga- She is so incredibly talented...I must admit that I like some of her work. That being said...is it me or does she look like the spawn of Madonna and Marilyn Manson. I am so sick of "shock music" and freak shows being labeled as "art." I'm sorry folks...not just ANYTHING is "art." You can't take off all your clothes...cover yourself in raw meat and call yourself an artist. Wear a normal outfit...back off the eye make-up...play your piano and sing. Otherwise...shut the hell up you skank!!
4) People who talk to you in bathrooms- When I am in the bathroom...conversation is not important. This is a very private, solemn moment for me. If I am at the urinal...or in a stall...I don't care how your day is going nor do I want to share my innermost thoughts. We can talk after or before...not during. I find it gross and remarkably annoying. If you are one of these people...cease and desist immediately. I'm not that bored!!
5) Any television program involving multiple births or people with large numbers of children- You don't have a family...you have a litter!! I am not impressed by people who have large numbers of children at one time...and I am less impressed with people who continue to irresponsibly have child after child. Especially when I am painfully aware that tax payers money and donations are fueling your "mini village." It is so funny to me that the people who call this garbage "a blessing from God"...are the same people who think Welfare, SSI, WIC and other government agancies are bogus!! I hate to break it to you...but these are glaring examples of how we validate stupidity through government assistance. How about a show about people that have one or two kids, practice responsible birth control and spend their lives creating a wonderful, normal family!! That is something that I can relate to..not "The Case of the Exploding Uterus." It's 2011, not 1811...it is no longer necessary to have children in order to maintain the "Plantation." Take a break...read a book...and close the borders to that birth canal!!
6) Immigration Nuts- I don't believe that we should just open the doors to all "comers." I understand that we have to have laws and regulations...immigrants need to enter this country "the right way." That being said...have you ever seen a lazy immigrant? I mean really...have you ever seen a Hispanic guy on a road crew just hanging out, sitting under a tree and barking orders? Of course not...they are some of the hardest working people that I have ever encountered. Many of these people are working back-braking jobs for less money...only to send most of it back to their families elsewhere. Yeah...they are truly destroying the framework of our country!! Correct me if I'm wrong...but who here is not an immigrant? Oh that's right...there are natives here...but you don't see them often since we stole their land and stuck them on reservations. But that's OK...we did give them beads and smallpox as payment in full!! The bottom line is...if you don't like immigrants...find a new country. Actually...you can stay here...just hang out at Bingo Parlors or Casinos...there owners can relate to your plight!!
7) The Drug War- I'm going to go ahead and say...we lost!!Drug trafficking continues to increase day-by-day and in turn thousands of people are dying everyday...see Juarez, Mexico. When are we going to realize that the smartest thing we could do right now...is LEGALIZE MARIJUANA and tax the HELL OUT OF IT!! When was the last time you read about someone killing an entire family in a horrific car wreck because they were...HIGH?? The answer is NEVER. They wouldn't be driving fast enough to do any real damage and once they picked up their Funions and Fun Dip...they would head back to their cave to finish watching old reruns of Scooby Doo. I'm not saying everyone she be a pothead...I haven't smoked in 8 years...all I'm saying is that smoking a joint at home is no different than having a few beers. Lighten up people...it's just weed!!
8) Beauty Pageants (of any kind...)- I'm sorry but it still astounds me that in 2011...many women think that validation comes from how they look in an Evening Gown and a Bathing Suit. How archaic and backward is it that parents still push their kids into these mind-numbing cattle calls. Something you will NEVER hear in life..."We should really hire Kimberly...you know she was "Miss Chili Dog Queen" 3 years running!!" There is nothing wrong for being beautiful...but it is wrong to win an award for it!! People have told me my whole life..."oh those aren't beauty pageants...they judge them on so much more." Really...well then...a competition based on how you carry yourself, intelligence, ability to answer unexpected questions and overall talent...that's called a "JOB INTERVIEW." Noone interviews for a job in high heels and a two-piece. Stop pushing your daughters to be self-absorbed, shallow, egocentric, morons...
9) Obama Haters- I'm not saying you have to agree with his politics but the level of venom and hatred that spews forth with regard to our President is unprecedented. Apparently, anyday now, Obama will pull off his well-formed mask and reveal horns, red eyes and a turbin!! If National Health Care reform is a lithmus test for evil and corruption...then we have some serious problems with priorities. You can't take a country in total economic shambles and piece it back together again overnight. I never thought Obama was going to be "christ-like"..it took time to get in this mess and it will take time to get us out. All I'm saying is...dislike the policy don't dislike the man!1 I thought and still think that George Bush had some of the worst policies in American History...but I didn't think he blew up the levys in New Orleans!! I wonder if Obama's name were "Barrett Oliver" and he looked a bit more...WHITE...if the same hatred would exist?? Ponder that for a moment (the answer: HELL NO)...
I think I have done enough damage. I must admit...I feel better!!
Until next time my friends...
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