Once again...I have been overwhelmed by the vast number of people that have expressed an interest in my blogs. Obviously...I am exposed for all to see with regard to one of my many faults...consistency!! Like so many things in my life...it is very difficult for me to focus on writing (though it is something that I love implicitly) while I am dealing with ANY form of emotional upheaval. So today...rather than go on a specific tangent...I will hit some bullet points. These are things that have been weighing heavily on my mind or have effected me personally in some way. Some may be boring...so please...bare with me. More than anything...thank you from the bottom of my heart for your concern, interest and most of all...negative or positive...your comments!!
Labor and Delivery Closing at BWMH: As many of you already know...a few weeks ago Bryan Whitfeild Memorial Hospital announced that it would be closing its Labor and Deliver Department. My wife is an L&D nuse there and has been for the last 5 years. Sadly, as it stands, she and 10 of her co-workers will be unemployed as of May 31. There is still hope that the hospital may be able to save the department with the assistance of the City Council but we are cautiously optimistic. On a personal note, this has been tremendously difficult for Erin and myself. With the birth of Ella Giles looming less than 3 weeks away...that loss of income is a frightening proposition. In addition...Erin's ego took quite a shot as "loss of employment" is something that until now...she had never been forced to deal with. We have made our peace with this...as we obviously have no other choice...however this announcement has a far deeper meaning in the grand scheme of things. We now live in a world, society, community, etc. where the "bottom line" has become so important...that human life has to take a backseat. You see delivering babies isn't "profitable." Statistically, this is the case across the United States...NO L&D wards make money. I understand that a Hospital must maintain a stream of revenue to maintain the integrity of day-to-day operations...but are people really willing to trade a safe haven for expectant mothers...for a profit?? People like to blame this on "indigent care" and the increased occurrence of "entitlement recipients." I have no doubt that this phenomenon plays a part...but is this really the most appropriate answer?? Sorry...too many poor people are having babies...so we can't deliver ANYONE. The Right Wing will tell you that this is due to the collapse of Capitalism and the fact that too many people want something for nothing. I'm here to tell you that if you look deep enough...greed plays a part. It should be said that NO administrative personnel have been lost during this so-called "uncontrolled bleed." Like so many "corporations" that fail...the "little people" become expendable while the "big fish" keep their jobs. I have to wonder how these people can sleep at night...but like so many prople in this country...I guess they think "who cares" it doesn't effect me!!
I am honored and humbled by the doctors, hospital staff, city officials and citizenry that have provided a loud and clear outcry of disdain and disgust over this decision. I hope and pray that it can be resolved and that not only jobs will be saved...but that hundreds of children will be delivered in a comfortable hospital room rather than a dirty emergency room...or worse yet...the backseat of a car!! By the way... can you guess what type of system would prevent this all together...I'll give you a hint...ask someone British!!
My wife: This is a little self indulgent but I just have to say that each and everyday...I am more impressed and proud of the woman that I am married to. In spite of losing her job...being 9 months pregnant...having little or no sleep everynight...plus all the little "health issues" that come from carrying a child...her resiliency and strength astounds me on EVERY level. Not only does she go to work everyday...miserable...knowing that she soon will be unemployed...she continues to be a team player...covering shifts as L&D nurses begin to jump off their own version of the TITANIC. Erin has a strength and courage that I do not nor have I ever posessed. She is able to keep going and fight through things...never once revealing any emotional weakness. I am in awe of her and I don't deserve someone like her...to be perfectly honest. She isn't perfect..and God knows she drives me nuts sometimes...but there is NO ONE on this Earth who could possibly be more equipped for motherhood than she is. Ella Giles has a "rock" for a mother...I just hope her Dad can keep up!! I love you Erin and no matter what...I couldn't be prouder of where you've been...what you've accomplished and more importantly...where you are going. My love for you is endless...and I look forward to our new adventure!!
Weight-Loss: So once again...I feel like a complete failure in the wonderful world of "James VS. Food 2011." The Bariatric Weight Loss was working very well...unfortunately it was VERY expensive. After a weight loss of approximately 25-30 pounds...I decided to change directions. As usual...the moment I strayed...not only did I fall off the wagon...it ran me over with both wheels. While I have not gained back all of the weight...I have gained and am very ashamed of myself. This has been an ongoing struggle for me and my frequent failure continues to pummel my self-esteem. I want it so bad...yet my will is CRAP!! My emotions are my worst enemy and I am just about at my wits end. Do I go back to Weight Watchers? Do I cut Carbs again...or do I just say "to hell with this" and go the surgical route. I am so tired of failure and so tired of looking at this person that I don't like. I need support...I need prayer...I need inner strength!! For all of you who struggle with a similar demon...just know you are not alone. The next few weeks are going to be critical...just keep me in your thoughts and prayers!!
Ella Giles: I never thought that it was humanly possible for me to be this excited over a BABY!! Much less a baby that hasn't arrived yet. Everyday...it becomes more real what Erin and I will be sharing in the coming weeks. I have feared this moment for 32 years...and now I find myself wondering why I didn't make this happen sooner!! Everyday she changes me for the better...and everyday I thank God for giving me the chance to be a father. I'm nervous...but it isn't a "I'm scared" nervousness. It's almost like going on a first date..or that first kiss...the anticipation is unreal...and I know that the outcome will be epic!! I just hope she looks like her MOTHER...not sure how the "big man" would transfer to a woman?? Either way...she will be short, furry and funny!! We love you...our beautiful Ella Giles...we are waiting for you whenever you are ready to come see us!!
Now for a few quick political comments (you knew that I couldn't resist!!):
Government Shutdown: Did we really not learn our lesson from 1995?? Granted...the government received a "stay of execution" but it shouldn't have come to that. Partisanship is the WORST it has ever been. Sadly...I think this polarization will only elevate in its lack of civility. We are at war...if you don't believe that...you haven't been watching the news!! It isn't fought with guns, bombs, or embargos...but with innuendo, sharp tongues and laptops!! The Republicans want nothing more but to make Barack Obama look like "Osama Bin Laden"...and the Democrats are flailing away trying to prove that they aren't "socialists." Is this what we have come to? I don't believe the average American citizen wants to see this continued decay of political civility. The problem is that a handful of "idiots" and I mean that with NO due respect...would like to see this country plunged into some sort of economical "civil war." Which brings me to my next point...
The Tea Party: The fact that this merry bunch of social retards are now influencing policy is one of the biggest disgraces and farces to hit the airwaves since Charlie Sheen started giving interviews. I have seen these people and if they represent the "majority" of the American people then the vast majority of Americans have stopped reading books, don't value cleanliness or style and have apparently settled in uninhabited areas of the Ozark Mountains (see "Winter's Bone"). Could someone please end the 15 minutes of fame that this "human debris" has maintained. I'm ready to have discussions with people that don't believe the world is flat!! These are the same people that would have burned books in Nazi Germany and attempted to execute Galileo for being a heretic!! There is no place in this country for that sort of closed-minded ignorance. I'm ready to move forward...and the only way to do that is to eradicate devisiveness. We can disagree...social discourse is great. But let me be the first to say...if your idea of a perfect America involves a gun in every holster, a gay in every CLOSET, an abortion in every BACK ALLEY and a Mexican in every JAIL...may I be the first to offer you an all expense paid vacation to the cave you crawled out of!! I'm tired of listening to these idiots scream at the top of their lungs while I'm expected to be respectful, civil and patient. The bottom line is...I REFUSE to let MY country be tainted and it's history be re-written...by a bunch of angry yahoo's who wouldn't understand empathy or humility if it turned into a tornado and destroyed their Trailerhood!! WAKE UP AMERICA...our priorities are skewed and we are picking the wrong battles!!
I think I've done enough damage...I'll save the rest of this for tomorrow perhaps. I promise..no more months in between. And if this offended you...I'm sorry. I have a child on the way...and guess what...It's NOT JUST ABOUT ME ANYMORE!! Until next time friends...
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